In The Mouth of Danger
by unkept promise
Summary: He still needs her so much, and he hates himself for it. Edmundcentric, oneshot. Rated for dark content.


**A/N**

So the other day I got to watch Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

And yeah, I loved it. It was nothing like the book, but in a good, non Suspian, way. They gave Skandar a really weird haircut that didn't suit him as well as his PC one, though. Not that I was paying any attention to that, pff. Who goes to a movie just to drool over the actors, that's just stupid. *shifty eyes*

Anyway, I noticed that in VotDT, Edmund kept winding up in really dangerous situations, and eventually it seemed that he was putting himself there. Then in the sea serpent scene, the White Witch addressed that, and it really got me thinking more about Ed's baggage even so many years after defeating her.

Mildly movieverse, though I've only watched the movie once and I have really bad memory, so it's probably not even close to the actual scene in the movie. Basically this is a whole new scene that's very loosely based on the one in the movie.

Enjoy, and don't forget to review! It would make my day.

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**In The Mouth of Danger**

_**By Unkept Promise**_

Ever since he had first seen the green mist, he knew she had to be involved.

A small part of him, the part that had willingly traded in his siblings for a bit of food, buzzed with excitement. That was the same part that had been inwardly screaming in agony and sorrow the first time she had been killed, and again that day in the How when he'd had to face her again.

It was a part of himself that he hated with all of his mind, heart, and soul, and he fought time and time again to rid himself of that attachment to her. But he never quite succeeded, and here he was again, wanting to vomit because of the sheer joy that he felt deep down inside knowing that she was still alive in some way.

The past days had been a constant struggle, trying to carry on as normal when a battle was raging inside him. He knew Lucy had noticed, she always noticed. But she had her own troubles now, and all she could spare her brother was a couple of concerned glances.

So he was alone, again. Just as he had been in her prison, shivering more from the terror and loneliness than from the cold. That had been so long ago, and still he shuddered remembering. Still the nightmares haunted him, still he woke, sweating, in the middle of the night. When would it end?

And now finally she had revealed herself, here on the island where dreams came to life. She taunted him, throwing his own dark thoughts back at him. Something deep inside almost overpowered him, he almost fell to his knees and begged her to take him back, begged for more pain, torture. More of her tricks, more of her lies, more of her.

A small cry of anguish escaped his lips when her misty shape disappeared. Lucy and Caspian turned to him, tried to speak to him, but it seemed the serpent was upon them before he could even catch his breath or sort his thoughts.

His legs took him up to the carved dragon's head without asking his mind permission. In a blur, he found himself facing the giant sea monster. Later it would be called a brave act of courage by the Just king. But right now, it was nothing but a suicide mission. He could hear Lucy screaming, a few other voices calling him.

Maybe the serpent would kill him. Did he even care? At least if he was dead, he wouldn't have to live with this giant hole inside him that refused to be filled by anything good. A hole that demanded a simple touch from her, or a cold breath across his face.

He hated that part of himself with all of his being. He hated who he became whenever she was near. He hated that he couldn't figure this out on his own, he hated that there was no one to help him, he hated it all so much. Maybe it wasn't even worth it, figuring this out. Maybe it wasn't even worth it, breathing.

There she was again, knowing exactly what he was thinking, knowing exactly what to say to make it all so much worse. She threw questions at him, like daggers to the heart. What was he trying to prove? Was still trying to be a man?

Then she leaned in closer, brushed her icy fingers across his face, and his heart almost stopped beating. You'll never, ever, be rid of me, she whispered into his ear before disappearing into the breeze.

With a yell he charged the serpent. Was it true? Would she always be here, no matter how many times they tried to kill her? If it was true, then there really was no reason to keep living. Not when she lurked around every corner, waiting to catch him at his weakest.

The beast's large teeth waited for him, inviting him in. He was almost there when another beast appeared, one that was somehow more gentle yet more terrifying at the same time. When it saw this new creature, the serpent cowered and ducked to one side.

The beast turned to him and seemed to smile, a sad smile that didn't try to hide tear filled eyes. He had seen this look before, he had seen this beast before. With a start, he realized that this was Aslan. What surprised him even more was that it had taken so long to recognize the lion.

Aslan slowly breathed on him, a long warm breath. It was a breath of life, and as it spread through his mind, all his thoughts rearranged themselves, new ones replaced the ones that didn't make sense. Without any words at all the lion said everything. And then he was gone, just as quickly as he had arrived.

The serpent was coming back to attack, but now this wasn't a suicide mission anymore. Not with Aslan on his side. Not when there was reason to live again.


End file.
